I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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