1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
