the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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