so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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