you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
