Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
