so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
