hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
