yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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