I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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