Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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