maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
