My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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