she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
