You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
