yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Congratulations! We have a period
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
