Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
