community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
