it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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