I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
