Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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