So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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