she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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