Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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