and my herpes radar will keep us safe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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