He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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