Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
