haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize