she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
