he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
