are you still at the devil's house?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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