Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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