No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Farmville is her only friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize