So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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