I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
