I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
