i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
