I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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