i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
