I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
