Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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