drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
