Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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