I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
