last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
