Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think my vagina is haunted
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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