Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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