They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
