I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize