i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize