You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
