There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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