I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I came so hard my ears popped.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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