Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
