His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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