put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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