with your own penis?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
