first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
