Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
