Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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