Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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