Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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