Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't like sucking hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
