great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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