I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
