Pants 0. Shit 1.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
