I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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