Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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