If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I faked an abortion last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize