I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
