I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
