it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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