my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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